How to Date a Rich Woman

She’s a rich girl and she’s gone too far…

If you are a member of the over 40 dating group, you’re bound to match with someone who has money and possibly a negative if you’re not willing to talk about it.

Gentlemen, this article isn’t about how to bag a rich sugar momma — it’s more about the inequality in the dating world. Women will typically be open to discussing finances — they ARE the most communicative of the human species. This advice goes both ways, for men or women, though men usually overlook a woman’s purse when falling in love. Men are visual creatures.

Maybe I’m a little jaded, but I don’t think money comes into play unless you’re going to end up in a committed relationship with your new friend. If the shoe is on the other foot — the man has deep pockets - it’s understood he will share his wealth. All is not equal in love and war. From a woman’s standpoint, it’s much more difficult. A woman doesn’t want to be taken advantage of and is less hesitant to share her wealth. The roles are stuck in the 1950’s unless it’s a much younger man.

I remember a few years ago, dating a 40 something woman, who I wasn’t sure if she was divorced or separated, but she was fun. I eventually found out she was separated from a man who sold a company for an exceptionally handsome amount and she was going to get about half in the divorce.

It could have become an unspoken problem. I believe it can make a woman self conscious. Having a large purse can be a burden to anyone.

She was an amazing date, gave her time and became a great friend. Cute, vibrant, aggressive and intelligent. We had lots in common. I didn’t want to stop the carousel and I enjoyed our time together. I paid for the dates — except for our recent last lunch — and wowed her with my cooking skills at her Buckhead mansion. We went dancing at Johnny’s, talked about gardening and discussed literature like normal people. She was busy with her “causes” and I supported at least one of them. I gave her attention, affection and tried to love her when we were together. It was easy from my perspective because I wasn’t concerned with the future. I was trying to live in the moment.

I met a few other women, who were obsessed with their savings. It was a turn-off to spend time talking about it on a date, especially when you are trying to enjoy life. It didn’t matter who had the largest account. One, I met in Atlanta, must have told me a dozen times in the first hour about how much money she was worried about losing if she got involved with the wrong person. Later, we shared a bottle of wine at her place, slow danced and pushed the late night revelry in her cream colored jumpsuit- I make it a point to never be intimate beyond kissing on the first date — I never heard from her again, though I have seen her out with some of my St Pete friends — everyone is relocating to the sunshine state!

It’s amazing how many women have actually done so well in their divorces. Either from half of the divorce settlement, from starting businesses with the ex husband’s support while married or through the family money. Men as a group, on the other hand, have not faired as well. Many are broken or broke and lost in the sea of the dating app world.

Here are some points to think about — comments are welcome at the end …

1. Don’t talk about money until after the 3rd month or later. … It takes at least 3 months to know if you’re ready to move to the next level together. You have no idea if you’re compatible in other areas, like values, religion and future dreams before money comes into the equation. If there’s a second date, then it’s clear after the first date that she/he likes your personality and looks. Beyond that, it’s not important to discuss money unless you truly see a future with this person.
2. By the 3rd date, she/he should offer to pay for something to show they care for you as a person. Don’t fall into the old fashioned trap of the guy paying for everything. If the guy really cares about you, he will show you in other ways — yet, if he only wants to cook at home for every date and never treats you to a special night out, it could be a red flag that he’s cheap, doesn’t enjoy going out or want to be seen in public for some reason.
3. Don’t ever pay their bills, whether your the man or the woman. It doesn’t help the relationship stay a partnership of equals if one feels indebted to the other because money has become the bond. The lender might feel as though the money is keeping the other partner trapped in the relationship. Paying your partner’s bills also enables them to remain stuck in the situation longer. Encourage them to find a solution, including helping them to find a better job or supporting them in other endeavors.
4. If there’s an imbalance in funds, it shouldn’t be the end of the relationship. The one holding the power of larger funds, should be willing to cover more of the costs associated with the fun times. There is never full equality and like the woman I met who’s worried about losing her money to a weaker partner, she will miss out on plenty of fun, compatible men while waiting for someone of equal stature. Odds are men with money will find themselves with women who are as interested in the money as the man. Buyer beware.
5. There’s nothing wrong with a prenuptial agreement. As all partners in business, as well as life, should know, there’s nothing wrong with having an agreement written to spell out expectations should the partnership fall apart — maybe even how to decide issues in the future, like when to go to counseling. Marriage or cohabitation should not make the party with funds feel as though they are being used for their money. Some funds should be deposited in joint accounts.

Money and the guilt about money is an oppressive shadow over most relationships. Finding true synergy, companionship and love shouldn’t be crushed by wealth or lack of it. It takes truly special people to recognize it and enjoy their lives together.